April Newsletter

NO. 33 | April 2024

You’ll have to forgive me today! I’m writing to you with about 1/3 of my normal brain power. In March, I fell prey to overwhelm and illness (which you can probably see the connection between). I overloaded myself with freelance work, and then sort of lost the balance I rely on to keep everything else moving along. I’m starting to feel better today, but the brain fog hasn’t cleared. I wrote a whole newsletter about time management, but my sick brain took over, leading me on a different tangent, and I think that’s the direction we’ll go instead.

For awhile now, book work—illustration and writing for picture books, novels, and a graphic novel—has been the most compelling part of my creative practice. It’s what I’m most inspired to do, and what I’m most excited about. But, to be honest, it’s been a volatile work area for me this year. That’s because of querying—the process of trying to get a book agent, the first step in getting my novel published—which I started on January 8. My finished novel, called Finders, is something I hope to share a lot more about in the future.

In the same vein, I do hope to one day more extensively write about querying and what it looks like, but for now, I think it’s maybe just worth mentioning how hard it has been and how much it has affected my creative flow. I started the process very confidently: I work in publishing and have experience as a submission reviewer; I received lots of great feedback from my readers (including those also in publishing!); I believe very strongly in my book.

But the realities of the process—weeks of silence, no feedback, facing judgement on only 10 pages of the work, rejection at any time—were all a lot harder than I thought they would be. It took a lot of mental and emotional work to harden my faith in my book and to remind myself what matters about my creative process.

I think I can only write about this now, after I’ve really recovered from the lows of feeling like I had failed at something I cared about so much. After the first few weeks, I genuinely thought that I might give up on books altogether. Dramatic, right? Remember that February newsletter about taking a leap? That’s how I felt. Vulnerable, and on the verge of crashing. But, even that piece of writing was a step forward—an attempt at balancing the difficulty with the necessity.

It wasn’t easy, and it took a lot of things to change my mindset—to recognize that I was actually nowhere near failing or giving up. I wrote affirmations for myself. I journaled a lot. I leaned on Emilio. I made edits to the query letter and first 10 pages with a trusted mentor. I dove into new creative projects! And the querying process ambles on. Despite its flaws, after a couple months, it honestly does feel more like something I’m excited to be doing than something I’m dreading. I have faith, and that helps.

Finders was the first idea for a novel that I ever had. And I wrote it! But through January and February, I couldn’t even think about it without feeling despair. I wanted to work on the illustration samples, and I wanted to be excited about it, but I just spiraled if I interacted with it. A couple days after I felt like it was all I had—like I wouldn’t ever write anything else—I got an idea for a new novel. It’s called Ev and the Gatekeeper, for now. I’m 15,000 words into it!

I guess the lesson I’ve had to learn is that yes, querying is very important to me. I want a book career, and this is the first step toward that. But, there are lots of other important things, too. Patience, for one, which I have always struggled with. Creativity, for another, which has long been the foundation that I’ve built my life on. Finders and this moment in time are just small pieces of a lifelong puzzle, a lifelong practice.

My favorite affirmation from this journey is:

I’ve earned the right to some faith and belief

When this one sunk in, I finally found some peace. I’m a hard worker! I worked hard on this book. I know I’ll work hard at whatever I do, for my whole life. I’ve earned the right to believe in myself. And creating and making is a reward in itself, no matter what else happens. That’s not to discount all the other elements at play, but a truth on its own that I know has value.

And, so I will keep going. Keep making. Keep celebrating making! Keep writing. Keep trying. I trust myself.

Swim Along With Me: Quilt Blocks

Experience what it’s like to make some quilt blocks!

I got to catch a little long weekend warm weather break in March. It’s the best kind of shock to be suddenly surrounded by green growth and rampant flowers! Meanwhile, I’m continuing my Tree ID studies by crafting a little key/guide in one of my notebooks. The bottom right mock-up is a sneak-peek of a little home project Emilio and I are collab-ing on together. More on that in the next month or two!

Alexandra Finkeldey has some of the best texture of any illustrator I follow. No matter the medium or subject, there’s something very alive and natural about her work. She implies a lot of narrative without anything overt. She blends line and color beautifully. And she mostly illustrates natural subjects, which I treasure! We have one of her prints in our kitchen. She has illustrated a few picture books if you’re looking for more of her work.

✷ We’ve been blessed with lots of spring music. In addition to Cowboy Carter, please take a listen to Bright Future, World Wide Whack, and Two Things at Once.
✷ End of march vibes
✷ Some of the books I’ve been editing for the past couple years are now open for pre-orders, and they’re beautiful! Modern Improv Quilting & Crafting Paper Flowers!
✷ Can we believe Yorgos already has another movie coming soon
✷ Tierra Whack makes the best music videos!!